The Born Smoker

Ever wondered what we'd look like if our bodies evolved to become perfect for cigarette smoking? Personally, I always thought we'd come with ashtrays attached to our arms and a built - in fire extinguisher, but no. Someone has already gone into the future and seen the first "natural born smoker", and this is what he looks like: http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/films/1979to2006/filmpage_smoker.htm

A few quotes:

"self - cleaning lungs" - My grandmother died of lung cancer last year, and I'm sure she would have appreciated these, but it's a bit late for that now. Never mind, eh?

"a highly developed index and middle finger" - And probably a highly developed thumb as well from a generation addicted to txting and video games. So, we'll have an enormous thumb and first two fingers and a tiny, shrivelled ring finger and little finger. Groovy.

"smaller ears (because they don't listen)" - Of course not. If they did, would we still need anti - smoking PIFs?

"and of course an in-built resistance to heart disease, lung cancer and thrombosis" - That'll be a relief to all those smokers that the Government wants to levy huge taxes on because of the strain they put onto the NHS.

Now for the dog in the ointment: The natural born smoker hasn't been born! What a rip - off!!! So put that fag out right now.

I vaguely remember a sequel about the "baby smoker", with creepy lullaby music in the background, but not what the visuals were. If Film Images will help me with research for this site, I may be able to find the film, so until then here's their catalogue entry for both PIFs:

DATABASE NAME: COI FOOTAGE FILE TITLE: BORN SMOKER /ANTISMOKING BABY LOGGED: 04/09/1998 FILM NUMBER: COI/6BB MASTER: COI/6BB YEAR: 1980s SUBJECT: HEALTH FORMAT: BETA SP DURATION: 00.02.30 COLOUR: COLOUR AUDIO: SOUND AGE: ARCHIVE RIGHTS: WORLD OK BUT THIRD PARTY RIGHTS ARE REQUIRED MASTER STORE: DRUMM

advertisement anti smoking
01:00:00:00-01:01:07:00
silhouette of first 'natural born smoker' in 'Blade Runner' type set, ghoulish face of man smoking
01:01:34:00-01:02:20:00
same scenario, silhouette of man smoking over baby's rocking crib

And if you can make sense of that, "you're a better man than I am, Gunga Din". No date or VO listed there but the National Archives site places the original film in 1985.