The Born Smoker

Ever wondered what we'd look like if our bodies evolved to become perfect for cigarette smoking? Personally, I always thought we'd come with ashtrays attached to our arms and a built - in fire extinguisher, but no. Someone has already gone into the future and seen the first "natural born smoker", and this is what he looks like: http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/films/1979to2006/filmpage_smoker.htm

A few quotes:

"self - cleaning lungs" - My grandmother died of lung cancer last year, and I'm sure she would have appreciated these, but it's a bit late for that now. Never mind, eh?

"a highly developed index and middle finger" - And probably a highly developed thumb as well from a generation addicted to txting and video games. So, we'll have an enormous thumb and first two fingers and a tiny, shrivelled ring finger and little finger. Groovy.

"smaller ears (because they don't listen)" - Of course not. If they did, would we still need anti - smoking PIFs?

"and of course an in-built resistance to heart disease, lung cancer and thrombosis" - That'll be a relief to all those smokers that the Government wants to levy huge taxes on because of the strain they put onto the NHS.

Now for the dog in the ointment: The natural born smoker hasn't been born! What a rip - off!!! So put that fag out right now.

I vaguely remember a sequel about the "baby smoker", with creepy lullaby music in the background, but not what the visuals were. If Film Images will help me with research for this site, I may be able to find the film, so until then here's their catalogue entry for both PIFs:

DATABASE NAME: COI FOOTAGE FILE TITLE: BORN SMOKER /ANTISMOKING BABY LOGGED: 04/09/1998 FILM NUMBER: COI/6BB MASTER: COI/6BB YEAR: 1980s SUBJECT: HEALTH FORMAT: BETA SP DURATION: 00.02.30 COLOUR: COLOUR AUDIO: SOUND AGE: ARCHIVE RIGHTS: WORLD OK BUT THIRD PARTY RIGHTS ARE REQUIRED MASTER STORE: DRUMM

advertisement anti smoking
01:00:00:00-01:01:07:00
silhouette of first 'natural born smoker' in 'Blade Runner' type set, ghoulish face of man smoking
01:01:34:00-01:02:20:00
same scenario, silhouette of man smoking over baby's rocking crib

And if you can make sense of that, "you're a better man than I am, Gunga Din". No date or VO listed there but the National Archives site places the original film in 1985.

Celebrity PIFs

We've all seen celebrities jumping on the Comic Relief bandwagon or wearing charity bracelets in public, but did you know that many of them have also appeared in PIFs? Here are just a few.

Michael Aspel - Children and matches
Nick Atkinson, Natasha Bedingfield, Keisha Buchanan, Rio Ferdinand, Audley Harrison, Kelly Holmes, Alex Kapranos, Vernon Kaye, Sharon Osbourne, Jake Shears and Matt Willis - School bullying
Rowan Atkinson - Blood donation
Tom Baker - SPLINK
Tony Bastable - Tyre pressure
Ross Boatman - Heroin abuse
Richard Branson - Blood donation
Jim Broadbent - Construction site hazards
Frank Bruno - Fireworks
Clare Buckfield - Clothing fires
Barry Bucknell - Energy efficiency
Joe Bugner - Child road safety
Cannon and Ball - Liquid medicine measures
Todd Carty - SPLINK
Cast of Dad's Army - Pedestrian crossings
Charlie Chaplin and Laurel and Hardy - Appeared in archive footage for a PIF about safe DIY
Robbie Coltrane - Ear protection at work
Henry Cooper - Think Bike
Anne Diamond - Cot death
Ken Dodd - Pedestrian crossings
Michele Dotrice - Hard shoulders
Noel Edmonds - Blood donation
Keith Floyd - Chip pan fires
Ryan Giggs - Child road safety
David Ginola - Drug smuggling
Leslie Grantham - Drink driving
Les Gray (from Mud) - Child road safety
Derek Griffiths - SPLINK; cycle theft
Hale and Pace - Fireworks
Jenny Hanley - Burning liquids
Gerald Harper - Elderly people and falls
Rolf Harris - Teaching children to swim
Jimmy Hill - Think Bike
Thora Hird - Minimum income guarantee; elderly people and falls; fire safety
Nerys Hughes - Minimum income guarantee
Glenda Jackson and Ernie Wise - Blood donation
Gorden Kaye - Fireworks
Kevin Keegan - Child road safety
Helen Lederer - Ladder safety
Howard Lew Lewis - Garden safety
Gary Lineker - Blood donation; drug smuggling
Joanna Lumley - Charity fraud
Derek Martin - Pedestrian crossings; tool safety
Pauline McLynn (in her Father Ted role) - Tax self - assessment
Ian Mercer - Farming hazards
Heather Mills - Blood donation
Alan Minter - Property marking
Neil Morrissey - Fireworks
Ted Moult - Waste food
Mo Mowlam - Blood donation
Roy North (with Basil Brush) - Air beds
Jon Pertwee - SPLINK
Duncan Preston - "Stranger danger"
Dave Prowse - Green Cross Code Man
Bill Roache - Blood donation
Linda Robson - Blood donation
Patsy Rowlands - Fire doors
Peter Sallis - Minimum income guarantee
Jimmy Savile - Seat belts; straw burning
Delia Smith - Energy efficiency
The Spinners - Blood donation
Alvin Stardust - Child road safety
Ed Stewart - "Stranger danger"
John Surtees - Motorbike safety
Gillian Taylforth - Fireworks; drink driving; motorbike safety
Shaw Taylor - Seat belts; property coding; 999
Denise Van Outen - Drink driving
Lisa Walker - Travel insurance
Dennis Waterman and George Cole (in their Minder roles) - Premium bonds
Denise Welch - Blood donation

This doesn't include many of the famous faces who have donated voiceovers for PIFs, including Harry Secombe, Patrick Allen, John Hurt and Peter Hawkins.

Elephant/Julie

I'm currently preparing a big post on Jo and Petunia, but I wanted to make some stills from my copy of the Charley Says DVD. I hope that's legal, or at least more legal than pinching someone else's pictures from another site. I will not make every post about road safety PIFs, but these two have articles on Wikipedia and I remember them very well.

"Elephant" was an innovative campaign that ran between 1993 and 1998, when it was replaced by "Julie". It was reposted at the Think! website in honour of the 20th anniversary of the ongoing national seat belts initiative, and you can see it here: http://www.thinkroadsafety.gov.uk/campaigns/seatbelts/download/19archive.mpg

(We open with four people driving along in an ordinary car, country 'n' western music playing on the radio. It's shot in black and white, and there's something that's not quite right about the scene, but all seems well as they are laughing and chattering away)

VO: In a crash at 30 miles per hour

(A lorry honks at them, and the driver desperately swerves to avoid it)

an adult back seat passenger without a seat belt

(Too late! They're crashing!)

is thrown forward at the force of 3 and a half tons*. The weight of an elephant

(The unrestrained man sitting behind the driver is thrown forward into the seat in front, and we see him morphing into an elephant in slow motion)

charging straight through the driver.

(The driver's seat lurches forward with the passenger's weight. The car horn sounds as his head smashes into the steering wheel, then he goes through the windscreen and out onto the bonnet, held in place by his seat belt. Close up as blood drips through his fingers)

You're NEVER safe in the back

(The front seat passenger stares in shock)

until you fasten your seat belt. Never forget -

(Background of the side of the car, with a splash of red paint on the road beside it, and broken glass all around. The words "NEVER FORGET" appear on screen, along with the "Safety on the Move" logo. We hear the "clunk" of a car door closing and the "click" of a seatbelt fastening as the words "Clunk Click" come up)

* I'm going to assume that's an imperial ton. We hadn't gone metric yet in 1993.

According to Wikipedia, this was the last seatbelts PIF to use any variant of the "Clunk Click" line, and I can't remember any since. I will, at some point, do another post on Jimmy Savile's famous "Clunk Click Every Trip" campaign.

In 1998, the "Julie" PIF took over, available for viewing here: http://www.thinkroadsafety.gov.uk/campaigns/seatbelts/download/20archive.mpg. In this one, a woman is driving her two teenage offspring to school but, we are warned, "Julie knew her killer". It's not going to be pretty. She seems paranoid about trying to avoid a van behind her, and is more concerned about constantly checking the rear view mirror than looking at the road ahead. Can you guess what happens next, boys and girls? That's right! She crashes into a parked car and although her seat belt stops her going forward, it's no protection from her son, who is sitting behind her without one and smashes into her. Watch that skull fracture in all directions! We finish with Julie's daughter screaming in terror as the young boy flops back into his seat ("after crushing her to death, he sat back down") and Julie's body remains motionless in the driver's seat, with blood everywhere. Midsomer Murders this is not, but it's still a scary PIF.

The original version, as you can see, had the endline "Belt up in the back. For everyone's sake" but it was later amended to show the Think! logo on a black screen, with the words "Think! Always wear a seat belt". According to Wikipedia, "Julie" was repeated overseas in France; and in 2004 (I think) it was replaced by the current and rather uninteresting "Rewind".

So there you have it, folks. Wear your seat belt, or you might turn into an elephant and kill your mother. Or something.

Reginald Molehusband

You knew it was only a matter of time, didn't you?

Reginald Molehusband was the star of a 1967 PIF about safe parking, and the film itself describes him best:

"This is the story of Reginald Molehusband, married, two children, whose reverse parking was a public danger. People came from miles just to see it. Bets were laid on his performance. What he managed to miss at the back, he was sure to make up for at the front. Bus drivers and taxis changed their routes to avoid him. Until the day that Reginald Molehusband did it right. Not too close, far enough forward ... come on, Reginald ... and reverse in slowly ... come on ... and watching traffic ... and park perfectly! Well done! Reginald Molehusband, the safest parker in town."

Reginald's misadventures in his Austin 1100 are so well - remembered that his name still serves as a byword for bad drivers, but sadly, the original film is no more. Neither the COI, BBC, National Archives or Film Images has a copy, and a BBC appeal to the public couldn't find one either, even when the now - retired Ian Gardiner (who played Reginald) stepped forward. Finally, it was decided some action had to be taken, and now aged 77, Molehusband rode again! http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4770268.stm The BBC remade the film with Gardiner, despite the implication that pensioners can't drive, and received a hearty cheer from PIF fans everywhere, including me.

It's 30mph For a Reason!

It's late and I wanted to make another post before I went to bed. I did say I'd update at least once a week, but I can do more often.

As mentioned, I'm going to get on to Film Images and try and get hold of some PIFs to watch and review here, or if not I'll start having to go through my (limited) personal collection. Until then, you can download the UK's current anti - speeding TV spot here: http://www.thinkroadsafety.gov.uk/campaigns/slowdown/download/2005tv.mpg

This is a creepy little film complete with atmospheric music and some kind of lighting filter that makes it look more eerie - perhaps one of my more technically - minded readers could help me out? (Have I got any readers yet?) An eight - or nine - year - old girl who could have come straight out of Village of the Damned is lying dead by the road side, for as she explains: if she is hit by a car travelling at 40 miles per hour, there's an 80% chance she'll die. But soft! Her injuries start to heal, her broken wrist mends itself, the blood stops pouring out of her ear and she drifts back into the middle of the road. Thankfully there are no more cars coming, and she sits up and gives a theatrical gasp, restored to life. Knock her down while driving at 30mph, and there's an 80% chance she won't die! Hooray!

Is it just me, or does the message come across as "If a little kiddie steps out in front of you while you're driving, don't bother to hit the brakes. Reduce your speed by 10mph in the limited time before impact, and drive on! They'll be fine!"

Still, it's a memorable one, and (in my opinion) one of the Think! campaign's best efforts to date. I will write more about Think! later on, but since 1999 all road safety material in the UK has carried the Think! strapline. If you really want to know, you can go to the website and view the exact details of the girl's injuries at 40mph and 30mph, and see the accompanying campaign poster and radio appeal: http://www.thinkroadsafety.gov.uk/campaigns/slowdown/slowdown.htm

I am a regular on a website for "stage mothers" (no, I'm not a stage mother myself) and in the past I have attempted to find out if anyone knows the child who played the starring role in this PIF, but so far, no luck. Sorry.

Charley Says

Probably the most memorable PIF campaign ever, so let's start there.

"Charley" was an animated cat who appeared in a series of PIFs during the 1970s. In a sort of Pinocchio/Jiminy Cricket relationship, he and his little human friend would get into all sorts of jolly scrapes, at the end of which Charley would "miaow" the moral of the story and young Dominic would translate for the viewers' benefit: "Charley says never go anywhere with men or ladies you don't know!" The six films in total, made by Richard Taylor Cartoons for the COI, were "Falling in the Water", "In the Kitchen", "Matches", "Mummy Should Know", "Teapots" and "Strangers". Kenny Everett did the voice of Charley and the voice of the little boy was provided by Everett's young neighbour, called - drum roll - Dominic, so the character was named after him.

According to the BBC announcement about Charley Says being voted Britain's favourite PIFs(http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4853042.stm), the COI believes that Charley made a real difference to people's lives, and he is certainly remembered with fondness by hundreds of viewers. But after being drowned in a lake, scalded with hot steam, crushed under the contents of a falling tablecloth and much more while trying to get the message across, I think he deserves to be.

British electronica group The Prodigy sampled the PIFs for their misspelt 1991 hit "Charly", which you can probably download from http://www.itunes.com/ or something. The films are available to view at the National Archives website: http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/films/1964to1979/filmindex2.htm, again with transcripts and background information. The website, and the first Charley Says DVD, list 1973 as the year of production for all six films.

A Brief and Timely History of PIFs

Many of the first PIFs starred the "Daddy" of PIFs, amateur actor/film - maker Richard Massingham, who turned pro and set up a company called Public Relationship Films in 1938 when he realized nobody out there was making short educational films for the public. During World War II, he was commissioned by the Government's Ministry of Information (or Ministry of Lies, as George Orwell calls it in 1984; ever ahead of his time) and other government departments to make short propaganda films to be shown in cinemas. If you didn't know how to use a handkerchief, cross the road, save fuel or how much money to take on holiday, Massingham was your man.

In 1946, the Ministry of Information was replaced with the Central Office of Information (COI) and we began to see the golden years of the PIF, complete with static crackle in the background and the immortal words "That was a public information film" after each one, forever cementing the PIF into the heart of British TV. Meanwhile, Massingham began to make longer training films and in 1949 produced the wonderful "What a Life", an antidote to Britain's post - war misery. Over the years the focus of PIFs changed: they weren't there to politely remonstrate with you any more, now they were going to make you wet your pants in terror! So, as well as more child - focused campaigns (Charley Says, Tufty) and the gentle comedy of PIFs such as Rowan Atkinson's blood donor drive, we also had the terrifying "Spirit of Dark and Lonely Water", "Protect and Survive" and the world's first AIDS awareness campaign, "Don't Die of Ignorance". And don't forget the catchy slogans like "SPLINK", "Think Bike", "Watch Out, There's a Thief About" and "Clunk Click Every Trip", or the memorable characters including Reginald Molehusband, Fanta the Elephant and the Green Cross Code Man. Classic PIFs still hold a dated, "retro" appeal decades after they were first broadcast, and they are a cherished part of television history. In September/October 2006, the British Film Institute (http://www.bfi.org.uk) held a series of screenings to commemorate 60 years of the COI's work, and the BBC organized a nationwide survey of favourite PIFs, with cartoon cat Charley being voted the winner.

After all that, I think it's a crying shame that the PIFs being made now have been relegated to short "fillers", most of them instantly forgettable and more concerned with political correctness than getting the message across, and usually shown only on regional channels or in the wee hours of the morning when they can't sell advertising space. Never mind.

Some of Richard Massingham's PIFs are available to view on the National Archives website, complete with transcript and background information:

• Coughs and Sneezes Spread Diseases - http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/films/1945to1951/filmpage_cas.htm
• Don't Spread Germs aka Jet Propelled Germs - http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/films/1945to1951/filmpage_dsg.htm
• Watch Your Meters - http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/films/1945to1951/filmpage_ragml.htm
• Pedestrian Crossing - http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/films/1945to1951/filmpage_pc.htm
• What a Life - http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/films/1945to1951/filmpage_wal.htm
• Five Pounds in Notes - http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/films/1945to1951/filmpage_fpin.htm

What is a PIF?

Public information films are short films produced by the UK's Central Office of Information (http://www.coi.gov.uk) to educate the public on a variety of important topics from drink driving to car crime, filling in your tax return to voting in an election and animal rights to the Millennium Bug. They are intended for broadcasting during TV advertising breaks or in schools/workplaces.

What a PIF is not:

• An advertisement: You may think of them as "road safety ads" or something like that, but technically, they're not. They are produced on behalf of the government, and they're not trying to sell you anything.
• Charity appeals are not PIFs either. PIFs do not promote the work of a particular charity or ask for donations, although some charities make bloody good awareness campaigns (I point you in the direction of the NSPCC's "Full Stop" advertising: http://www.nspcc.org.uk/whatwedo/mediacentre/nspccadverts/campaignads_wda33415.html) which could almost be considered as "honourary" PIFs. I'll write about those another time.
• They're not actual schools films, eg. "Words and Pictures" and the like, which are not made by the COI and are designed to help teach children the National Curriculum.

They are known as Public Service Announcements, or PSAs, in the USA and many of those can be seen at http://www.adcouncil.org. Wikipedia has a more definitive article on PIFs as well: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_information_film

I don't have the copyright to upload PIFs to this site, but you can find some if you run a search on YouTube.com. There are also two "Charley Says" DVD collections of public information films on general release, available from good shops and websites like http://www.amazon.co.uk and http://www.play.com, and some PIFs available to view at the following sites:

http://www.tmf.ecwhost.com/extra/pifs.htm
http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/films/default.htm
http://625.uk.com/pifs/intro.htm

On the bright side, I'm hoping the Film Images company, which owns most of the COI's archive footage from before 2000 or so, will let me view some of their films for private research for this site. Stay tuned.

Welcome!

Do you change the channel when you see yet another government - sponsored reminder to send in your tax return before the deadline OR ELSE? Do you have fond memories of "Coughs and Sneezes Spread Diseases", Charley Says and Tufty the Squirrel? Or are you just a fan of classic British television? If so, this is the blog for you. I'll be updating with facts and trivia about Public Information Films (or PIFs), with a profile of a classic or recent PIF each week. So read, learn and reminisce, or don't. The government's anti - drink - driving campaign has been ongoing for more than 25 years, and people still do it.

Disclaimer: Despite the screen name, I am not actually the character of Reginald Molehusband (who appeared in a 1960s PIF about safe parking) or Ian Gardiner, the actor who played him and recently stepped forward after the film was classified as missing. It is, of course, an alias so that people who know me will not log onto this website and find out how sad I really am. Sorry about that.